Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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