my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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