You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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