Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
