What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
