my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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