Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize