oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize