Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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