Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Can you bring me the toilet please
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
