Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I look better un-naked...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
nutella sex= disaster
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
