ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
how do you play pong handcuffed?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
