theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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