I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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