Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
