No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
