You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
