I think im going to throw up on grandma
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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