I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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