it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
