I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize