You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
