I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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