Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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