Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
my liver is dry heaving
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize