I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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