By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
