Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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