Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
