I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
