just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
