I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
