I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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