If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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