he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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