I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize