I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dick very happy bro
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
