My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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