I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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