I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
