Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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