So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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