I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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