Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Holy sore nipples Batman
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
