I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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