I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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