May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
