I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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