the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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