Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
