Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
