I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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