Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
