I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
