A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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