I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
That's intense
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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