Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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