I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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