So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
