swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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