He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
