The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
not ubering you a puppy
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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