I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
