glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
