why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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