I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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