theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
