im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
