That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize