it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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