i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
