so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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