yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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