i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
