The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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